“Nothing will come of nothing.” (King Lear)
I sent this newsletter on 3/2 and added to/amended it on 4/1. Anything new will have that hammy pink line in front of it. Blame perfectionism or insomnia or too much cheese but this felt incomplete when I sent it. Feels good to flesh it out a bit more.
The first newsletter I started was through Mailchimp in 2011, years before Substack was a twinkle in some unwashed engineer’s eye. Like any writer, I was lured by the promise of what I hadn’t written yet — what brilliant stories would Future Me conceive to stir the hearts and minds of the masses? Expository, satire, investigative journalism, creative writing, food reviews, confessionals, poems about cake, love letters to cheese, parodies, lists, a Danielle Steel book club?
Nope.
As you can see, I went in a much cooler direction instead and sent out a newsletter about newsletters. This was a hat-on-a-hat newsletter wearing a third hat that was hiding a secret tiny fourth hat underneath. I sent that missive to living human people who liked me enough to blindly subscribe. I sent it to my mother, and my neighbor. I sent it to my boss.
I imagined friends opening the email, mildly interested, like “Oh yeah, she was starting that thing,” then spending the next two minutes gradually frowning in confusion, eyes narrowed, forehead wrinkled — like wait… is the entire fucking thing about newsletters?
After that, I felt complete (also lazy) and that was it. That was the only newsletter I ever sent out before Substack was birthed into the writersphere. I can’t believe I failed to mention that part in Round One. I sent out the ultimate newsletter and then retired.
This was around the same time I’d started wondering out loud if my high school Attention Deficit Disorder “was back,” as though my diagnosis had just packed up after graduation to go live in Disorderland and run free with all my other abandoned maladies.
If you’ve ever thought of your brain as
-broken
-an untrained Labrador on speed
-a deserted town filled with tumbleweeds
-donuts, the kind you do with a car
-a never-ending plate of pasta
-the picture of Dorian Gray
or
-compromised
then we share the same brain except mine has tiny legs and feet and they’re wearing Crocs.
Putting out a newsletter is strange. I keep asking myself how much I want to share, in what capacity, and why. On the one hand, I crave connection and miss writing and this satisfies both. On the other, it could be like everyone coming over unannounced while your house is a mortifying mess that reveals all your inner red flags.
“Is that a wine bottle opener in the shower?”
This initial newsletter was so short because I’d already posted about it on Instagram, but not everyone follows me there so I’m including that post here:
2/21/24: I resurrected my newsletter this week, which was both surprising and not surprising. At my [writing] retreat last weekend, I was supposed to work on a pilot that's nearly finished but found myself wandering over to Substack instead. ADHD and procrastination are very good bedfellows - I doubt they get out of bed at all - but lately I've just followed whatever writing urge comes up in the moment. If I plan on writing a poem but a PowerPoint presentation on potato chips rears its salty head, I don't push for the poem. Team Potato Chips forever.
The least surprising part is I want to connect more intentionally to myself and others in 2024, and writing tends to be my easiest bridge. Having focused on screenwriting for the past 5 years, I've really missed "blogging" or "newslettering" or whatever we're calling it now. I'm at the age where all the stories of my youth and the traumatic shit I lived through has intersected at a time where I also have the tools and humor to look at it. This seems ripe for learning and storytelling, two things I really crave right now.
I originally started the newsletter so people could keep up with my Newsweek articles -- a job that quickly devolved into writing about Tucker Carlson (a lot) -- but luckily I was canned right before the pandemic shutdown. Divine timing at work! There's NO WAY I could have reported about the pandemic in 2020 and mentally or emotionally survived the impact.
I don't think there will be a specific format for this adventure but I will have *some* writing behind a paywall if it's something that took a lot of time, energy, and research. Mostly it will be the free monthly newsletter, though there's an option to pay for that, too, if you are so inclined. I'm trying to get better at valuing my time, so this is real life practice for me and it still feels super cringe. Everything does when you're asking for attention or money on the internet.
First initial post is up (link in bio) but I'll send out a welcome newsletter on 3/1. It's nice to be back!💛
And then I didn’t get the newsletter out on 3/1, it was like 15 minutes into 3/2 and I felt like burning down the entire endeavor and going to live on a farm because DAY ONE AND YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG ALREADY but that’s literally impossible because it’s my page and I can do what I want. So I got over it and pressed send on 3/2 and we all survived.
To those that have asked, I pivoted to screenwriting during the pandemic and have loved every minute. Currently working on two very different pilots, and hope (work willing) that I’ll be able to submit one this week to the NY Women in Film & TV writers lab. It’s submission SZN!
One of my words for the year is SUPPORT. I’m leaning on more people than I ever have, in ways that are new and exciting, and I thought of this blank arena just sitting here, waiting for me to fill it.
Let’s expand on the support: We signed up for the gym (booooo, why can’t we all be disembodied heads in jars???). I went to the dentist after 4,000 years. I’ve got a somatic therapist and a great business coach. I’m working with a hypnotist. I start school in June. And I love my crazy ass job (more on that later).
So fill this space I will, with at least one newsletter a month and some extras along the way. Paid subscribers get early access to anything I put a lot of time, energy, and research into. Here's to trying something new, again!
One thing I love is hearing from you and getting to connect. Anytime you want to comment, respond, ask a question or just say hello, hit reply in your email or comment below. Thanks for coming along for this absolutely unhinged dive into the pile of ham I call me.
Wine bottle opener in the shower.....I mean....
Also can relate Labrador on speed brain
YAY MOAR HAM